ACCLAIM FOR FOR YOUR OWN GOOD "Dr. Miller's view of how pedagogy can distort power relations on a personal, rather than a political or social, level is persuasive and pertinent." -- Ann Hulbert, The New Republic "As Dr. Miller has written this book for the lay reader, it is straightforward and free of jargon. She has included plentiful detail . . . her analysis is incisive and compassionate, and . . . relevant across national boundaries . . . The problem of children's rights is pressing, as is the problem of violence in American society. And as the two problems are linked, Dr. Miller's book could not be more timely." -- Kathleen McCaffrey, The Baltimore Sun "Affecting." -- Betsy Amster, Ms. magazine "[Miller] is compassionate, and her insights and evaluations are disquieting." -- Valerie Brooks, Psychology Today "Miller proceeds anecdotally and intuitively, and what makes her decidedly idiosyncratic and individualistic argument convincing is that it sounds like the truth. " -- Carolyn See, Los Angeles Times Book Review "Not only does she bring an original psychoanalytic perspective to child abuse; her voice is uniquely informed by impassioned social concern." -- Louise Armstrong, The Women's Review of Books "Powerful . . . Miller's well-informed book carried profound implications for the way the world is and might be governed." -- Booklist "Compellingly illustrate[s] how measures applied 'for the child's own good' often crush the developing self." -- Publishers Weekly "An intelligent, crusading effort with wide appeal." -- Library Journal Also by Alice Miller PRISONERS OF CHILDHOOD (reissued in paperback as THE DRAMA OF THE GIFTED CHILD: THE SEARCH FOR THE TRUE SELF) THOU SHALT NOT BE AWARE: SOCIETY'S BETRAYAL OF THE CHILD PICTURES OF A CHILDHOOD: SIXTY-SIX WATERCOLORS AND AN ESSAY THE UNTOUCHED KEY: TRACING CHILDHOOD TRAUMA IN CREATIVITY AND DESTRUCTIVENESS BANISHED KNOWLEDGE: FACING CHILDHOOD INJURIES BREAKING DOWN THE WALL OF SILENCE: THE LIBERATING EXPERIENCE OF FACING PAINFUL TRUTH PATHS OF LIFE: SEVEN SCENARIOS THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE: OVERCOMING EMOTIONAL BLINDNESS AND FINDING YOUR TRUE ADULT SELF

ALICE MILLER For Your Own Good Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence TRANSLATED BY Hildegard and Hunter Hannum Farrar - Straus - Giroux NEW YORK

Back cover "Alice Miller's For Your Own Good expands on and drives home with great ferocity the point of her earlier and brilliant Prisoners of Childhood. She makes chillingly clear to the many what has been recognized only by the few: the extraordinary pain and psychological suffering inflicted on children under the guise of conventional child-rearing and pedagogy. One may quibble with some of Alice Miller's conclusions, but there is no arguing with her essential and extremely moving thesis." -Maurice Sendak In the clear, strong, poetic language that distinguished her first book, the highly acclaimed Prisoners of Childhood: The Drama of the Gifted Child, Alice Miller has written a groundbreaking study of the origins of violence. So convincingly does she show how harmful and cruel are the principles ruling our traditional upbringing that she even unexpectedly found confirmation from a church-oriented reviewer, who wrote in Church World: "For Your Own Good is a shattering, frightening, and eventually one of the most illuminating and life-view-changing works that I have ever read. I challenge any thinking and feeling person to read this book. ..and not in turn be changed or altered." "This is a book of extraordinary importance, for it makes as clear as a beacon-light the root causes of violence as a consequence of our misguided child-rearing practices. For Your Own Good should be read by all who are troubled by what has happened to our world and to our children. I cannot sufficiently stress the importance and urgency of reading For Your Own Good." -Ashley Montagu "Alice Miller's thought is immensely important. Her brilliant books penetrate into areas of grief no one else travels to, and there is healing in this journey." -Robert Bly Alice Miller has devoted herself to writing since 1979, after having practiced psychoanalysis for more than twenty years. She lives in Zurich. Her other books include Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society's Betrayal of the Child and Pictures of a Childhood. The author's Web site can be found at www.alice-miller.com. Cover painting by Alice Miller Farrar, Straus and Giroux

Farrar, Straus and Giroux 19 Union Square West, New York 10003 Copyright © 1980 by Suhrkamp Verlag Translation copyright © 1983, 1984, 1990, 2002 by Alice Miller Preface copyright © 2002 by Alice Miller All rights reserved Distributed in Canada by Douglas & McIntyre Ltd. Printed in the United States of America Originally published in 1980 by Suhrkamp Verlag, Frankfurt am Main, as Am Anfang war Erziehung First published in the United States in 1983 by Farrar, Straus and Giroux Fourth edition, 2002 Grateful acknowledgment is made to Desmond Elliott Publisher, Ltd. (New York) and Arlington Books (Publishers), Ltd. (London), for permission to reprint excerpts from Christiane F.: Autobiography of a Girl of the Streets and Heroin Addict, adapted from the translation by Susanne Flatauer, copyright © 1980 by Arlington Books; to Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Inc., for permission to reprint excerpts from Hitler by Joachim C. Fest, adapted from the translation of Richard and Clara Winston, copyright © 1974 by Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Inc.; to Olwyn Hughes, Literary Agent, for permission to reprint excerpts from Letters Home: Correspondence 1950-1963, by Sylvia Plath, selected and edited with commentary by Aurelia Schober Plath, published by Harper & Row, Inc., copyright © 1975 by Ted Hughes; to Paul Moor, for permission to include translated excerpts from his book Das Selbstportriit des ]ilrgen Bartsch, published by Fischer Taschenbuchverlag (Frankfurt), copyright © 1972 by Paul Moor; to Pantheon Books, a Division of Random House, Inc., for permission to reprint excerpts from The Face of the Third Reich by Joachim C. Fest, translated by Michael Bullock, copyright © 1970 by Weidenfeld & Nicolson; to Verlag Ullstein (Berlin), for permission to include translated excerpts from Schwarze Pädagogik, edited by Katharina Rutschky, Ullstein Series nr. 35087, copyright © 1978 by Verlag Ullstein GmbH. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Miller, Alice. [Am Anfang war Erziehung. English] For your own good: hidden cruelty in child-rearing and the roots of violence / Alice Miller; translated by Hildegarde and Hunter Hannum.- 4th ed. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 0-374-52269-3 (pbk. : alk. paper) I. Child rearing - Psychological aspects. 2. Discipline of children - Psychological aspects. 3. Children and violence- Psychological aspects. I. Title. HQ769 .M531613 2002 649'. I - dC21 2002027891 Designed by Herbert H. Johnson www.fsgbooks.com 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

Contents Preface to the 2002 Edition: The Hidden Truth Preface to the American Edition Preface to the Original Edition HOW CHILD-REARING CRUSHES SPONTANEOUS FEELINGS: GLIMPSES OF A REVERED TRADITION "Poisonous Pedagogy" INTRODUCTION BREEDING GROUNDS OF HATRED: GUIDES TO CHILD-REARING FROM TWO CENTURIES Summary THE "SACRED" VALUES OF CHILD-REARING THE CENTRAL MECHANISM OF "POISONOUS PEDAGOGY": SPLITTING OFF AND PROJECTION Is There a Harmless Pedagogy? GENTLE VIOLENCE PEDAGOGY FILLS THE NEEDS OF PARENTS, NOT OF CHILDREN THE LAST ACT OF THE SILENT DRAMA: THE WORLD REACTS WITH HORROR Introduction The War of Annihilation against the Self THE LOST OPPORTUNITY OF PUBERTY THE SEARCH FOR THE SELF AND SELF-DESTRUCTION THROUGH DRUGS: THE LIFE OF CHRISTIANE F. THE HIDDEN LOGIC OF ABSURD BEHAVIOR Adolf Hitler's Childhood: From Hidden to Manifest Horror INTRODUCTION HITLER'S FATHER: HIS HISTORY AND HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS SON HITLER'S MOTHER: HER POSITION IN THE FAMILY AND HER ROLE IN ADOLF'S LIFE Summary Jurgen Bartsch: A Life Seen in Retrospect INTRODUCTION "OUT OF THE CLEAR BLUE SKY?" WHAT DOES A MURDER TELL US ABOUT THE CHILDHOOD OF THE MURDERER? THE WALLS OF SILENCE Concluding Comments STEPS ON THE PATH TO RECONCILIATION: ANXIETY, ANGER, AND SORROW -- BUT NO GUILT FEELINGS Unintentional Cruelty Hurts, Too Sylvia Plath: An Example of Forbidden Suffering Unlived Anger The Permission to Know Afterword Bibliography Afterword to the Second Edition