Where did we go wrong? We did not spank or hit our sons when they were children, and they turned out to be independent thinkers, strongly ethical, academically successful. They never had the need to do strange things to their appearances to gain attention, never took drugs, did not abuse alcohol. We used reasoning and listened carefully to what they had to say, and purposely fostered their individuality and minds by giving them whatever books or toys or experiences they needed to pursue their interests. We continue to spend lots of time with them. This is not to say that we didn't make mistakes, or wouldn't do some things differently were it possible to turn the clock back and rear our children all over again. But we avoided running into the buzz-saws that many families do because they fail to put love and respect for the individual first.