I don't believe that this was God's will
A letter from M. C., November 3, 2006

First I want to say that I am very grateful that this web site exists. I am a Christian who was spanked by my fundamentalist father quite often for stupid things. A typical "loving" spanking involved my father removing my pants and underwear and wacking my bare bottom with a home-made wooden paddle or a doubled over leather belt. I believe this was abuse and I resent the fact that churches still teach parents that there is no harm in spanking; but like others who have written for this website, I suffer from the sexual effects that can result from corporal punishment.

I can remember having thoughts and fantasies about being spanked from the time I was five years old. I was quite amazed at the parallels I discovered in other's accounts of how spanking affected sexuality. I remember looking up the word "spanking" in the dictionary to get a sexual reaction. I remember that when I would play with myself as a five year old, I would always imagine that someone was spanking me. As an adolescent spanking fantasies were a part of my masturbation. Anything related to spanking would give me a sexual reaction; whether it was a scene of corporal punishemnt in a book, or a movie. Even Many christian parenting books which described how to "appropritely" spank your child, could get me aroused. So I am quite grateful for all your articles as to how spanking fetishes develop. It has helped me understand a lot about how the churches' distorted teachings have affected my sexuality.

However, one thing I feel that is missing and may be benifical to myself and others like me, is a section with resources or articles to help those with spanking fetishes. Your website offers plenty of material showing the causes behind spanking fetishes, but as a Christian, I wish I could find some resources that would help me deal with this distortion in my sexuality. Unfortunately, I have had difficulty finding such resources on my own, but I have noticed that many people have written letters on your website describing their own sexual fetishes, and I was wondering if any of those individuals had any suggestions about how they dealt with the issue? As a Christian, I hope that I could have wonderful sex with my future wife, and that the passion and sexual arousal would come about just from me finding beauty in my wife, and loving her. But I worry that if I ever do marry I will probably have to fantasize about being spanked in order to reach an orgasam. I think this is a shame, and I don't believe that this was God's will or intention for my sexuality. But, I don't know how to undo that harm. Part of me thinks that I will probably live with this spanking fetish for the rest of my life. I just wish there were resources avalibe to help with this issue.

Again, thanks for your dedication to this worthy cause. It has been inspirational to me. But, at the same time, it has frustrated me that I am one of the few who take a stand on this issue in the church.

M. C.


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