My Own Story
By Ruth
November 20, 2004

Dear Mr. Riak,

My name is Ruth, and I'm a nineteen-year-old woman who was spanked as a child. I definitely agree with you that spanking can give the spanker sexual pleasure. In fact, when I was in kindergarten, I went to a private Christian school where spanking was allowed, and I noticed that the teacher (an elderly lady) repeatedly spanked the boys in my class but only spanked one of the girls- once. (Thankfully, it wasn't me.) She frequently described how she would spank us if we ever did anything she viewed as "bad". "I spank really hard," she would inform us, brandishing a paddle with holes in it.

At home, I never noticed if my own parents took sexual pleasure in spanking me or not. I was usually much too preoccupied with my own emotions of fear and helplessness to notice what my parents' emotions were. My mom always used a wooden spoon, but I do recall Dad spanking me with a pointy hairbrush once when I threw a tantrum after losing my first game of checkers to my younger sister. It did seem that Dad enjoyed administering that spanking.

It usually never seemed that my mom enjoyed spanking me. She says she only did it because at that time in her life, she supported a literal interpretation of the Bible. However, I do remember once likening spanking to the crucifixion of Christ after she had given me a beating. I expected her to get angry and spank me more at first, but then she would hopefully "see the error of her ways" and not spank anymore in the future. However, she sat me down on the toilet and began discussing my comment as though she found it highly intriguing. That only confused me more, and I began to wonder what her motivations for spanking me were.

I still remain confused as to why my own parents (who otherwise seem to love me) thought it was an acceptable practice to hit me on the behind. Looking back on my childhood, I find many of my memories troubling. My parents now treat me with a lot more respect than they did when I was little. Although Mom apologized later for an especially hard spanking she had given me, for the most part, neither of my parents repudiates any of their violent actions. They haven't addressed the issue, and I am afraid to bring it up. If you have any advice, I would appreciate it. If not, that's okay.

RUTH